Teamwork Makes the Dream Work

I’m taking a brief step away from a travel post at the request of one of my readers (I still can’t believe that people other than my husband are reading my posts!) In my recent post about the importance of babymoons, I mentioned that everyone claims you’ll be more exhausted once the baby comes, and that I don’t agree with it, but that life still moves full speed ahead. I got called out on Facebook and Instagram by one of my readers about how false of a statement that is, and that we must be in the honeymoon phase before sleep regressions and teething babies. Personally, I thought it was hilarious that she called me out (and kind of exciting because it meant someone read my work), so I reached out to her to have a brief discussion of where I was coming from. I explained to her that part of the reason I don’t believe it’s as exhausting as pregnancy is because I’ve had the great help and support of my husband. She mentioned that many dads don’t really know how to help the first few months, and many moms don’t know how to ask for help. She suggested I put together a post highlighting how Brad has helped, what husbands can do, and how to make the first few months a little bit more manageable.

I’ll start off with a huge disclaimer: We are not perfect (contrary to popular belief 😉), we do not have everything down, and we are trying to figure things out day by day. While Kent is a very happy, and relatively easy baby, I still need help daily and need my husband on my team.

While I was pregnant, there was no way for Brad to take over the pregnancy so I could get a few hours of restful sleeping. Now that Kent is here, we are able to split the responsibilities and split the exhaustion 😉 Although Kent has been sleeping about 9 hours a night and seems to always be happy, Brad has really stepped in and helped a lot in these last 3 ½ months. I have fallen more in love with him and have found a greater admiration in him as I’ve watched him become a father and help me daily.

When I was first pregnant, someone mentioned to us that when they had kids, they took shifts in the evening. This is one tip we’ve followed since the beginning and has helped us exponentially. I go to bed before Brad does, so once I go to bed until 2am is his shift. If Kent wakes up during that time, it’s Brad’s job to take care of him. Whether it’s feeding him, changing his buns, or just settling him back in for the evening. This is a little bit more difficult if you are breastfeeding and not pumping, but dad can always check if baby just needs a diaper change or needs to be put back to sleep before mom feeds them (this also gives mom a minute to pee and get herself ready to feed.) From 2am on, he is my responsibility. We figure that this is the best way to conquer the evening so even if Kent decides to pull an all-night rager, we are both getting a few hours of sleep.

Since I’ve had 16 weeks of maternity leave, Brad had been great about helping out from the moment he gets home from work and on the weekends. On the weekends he seems to change the majority of Kent’s diapers and really knows when and how to step up when needed. One thing that I am still working on is asking for help. I am someone who likes to do everything on my own, and believes that if I want something done right, I should do it myself. I’ve slowly learned when to ask for help and most importantly, when I need a personal break for myself. One thing I learned early on in motherhood was to routinely take a little personal break to keep myself sane, whether getting a manicure, grabbing coffee with a friend, or enjoying a bath.

Fathers, there’s lots you can do to help your wife out. Change some diapers. Give the baby a bath. Take the baby out for a couple hours so your wife has some time to herself at home. (Wives, this is your chance to enjoy that nice glass of wine and take a bath without having to worry about a baby crying.) Husbands, if you are formula or pump feeding, take shifts and feed the baby at night. If your wife is breastfeeding, WAIT ON HER! Wait on her hand and foot. One thing I never heard about while pregnant was the breastfeeding journey and how much of a struggle it can be. On top of it being exhausting and it happening around the clock (hello clusterfeeding!), it can be mentally and physically challenging. A lot of dads have a hard time understanding what moms are going through with these struggles, so the little things are extremely helpful! When I was breastfeeding Kent, I would get so hungry and thirsty, and was essentially tied down for 30 minutes to over an hour at times. Bring her water. Feed her snacks. Put her favorite tv show on. Wash bottles. Get pumping supplies ready for her. Treat her like the princess she is.

Being a parent has its challenges and is definitely a two person job. I am so thankful to have an amazing husband who has been so willing to jump in and help. Over the past 3 ½ months I’ve learned more and more about how to ask for help and Brad has learned when to jump in. Parenting isn’t always easy, but having a great partner has made it much easier and much less exhausting.